New Beginnings

I can't believe that 2008 is almost over. With the oncoming closing of this year I have been thinking back on all that has happened this year. I really feel like I have grown in many ways; I worked a great summer job, became an EMT, added to my education, and just had a pretty okay year. Next year, hopefully, will have even more promise. It seems that way anyhow. Mike and I are really close to accomplishing some big things in our lives. We are both very excited for what that means personally and what it means to us as a couple.

I'm excited for Christmas, I just wish I had more time for it! I definately need to make more time for it. Mike and I are trying to give back a little bit to those much more in need than us; we have a pile of nice things we don't use, or inherited, and won't use, and instead of throwing them away like we usually would we are donating them to a Christian organization called F.I.S.H. which helps provide services to the needy.

All in all, this year is almost over. I'm so glad for what this past year has given me, taught me, and made me. I'm glancing ahead to the new beginnings of 2009. It will be a big year for all, especially as a nation.

Handle It

Alright I've had some time to steam down a bit and get some prespective on things and some advice from someone I respect who has been in my shoes before. Her life has worked out very well, and she has a wonderful marriage. What I have to say is that I don't feel bad, I don't have remorse, and I am not unhappy with my life. Infact what some would assume would bring me down is actually the staple for all I have and do! I'm glad for what I have done, and I accept full responsibility. I'm glad I can live for myself. I love my life.

Tired Of It!!

I'm so damn exhausted of everything! I hate feeling pulled between my families! I really wish that *nameless* would stop trying to issue me ultimatums to get what they want, and what they think I need to be doing. I'll respect what you want, but God! You want to go from not talking to me hardly at all to talking with me about the most personal thing my life?

Get the hell away from me.


Seriously.

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I wanted to write a little something about all that I have to be grateful for. I'm pretty lucky all in all, even though I forget and often take things for granted. At the end of the day I have a warm, love filled place to rest my head. I have a wonderful man, and although our relationship isn't perfect I wouldn't trade Mike for any price. We have so much to look forward too. I've learned (these past few months) that home really is where your heart is. Being in Elko hasn't made me as happy as I thought it would. I have an education that is finally getting me of the ground and headed for a great career, and I am so glad that I will have opportunities in the very near future to get started with it I have a good family; yes it's crazy and sort of messy, but that keeps things spicy and keeps us striving to do better. We have a bulldog, too. That just about beats all!! I love that squat, portly, incessantly joyous puppy! I am also thankful that I have no challenges physically; I feel blessed to be able bodied. I am grateful that I have been able to serve my community and help people in the field that I am in, and for literally nothing in return. I'm grateful to live in America, where I can compete as a woman and make my dreams come true. I have the best friends in the world, and I love them dearly. They are always there for me, always a support system. They teach me so much by example, and I couldn't ask for more in friends.

Mike is home from his vacation Ely. It was only almost 6 days. But it felt like forever!! I don't think I've been so glad for him to be home and be around in a long while. I can't wait to spend my Thanksgiving with him. I'm not sure why it's such a huge deal to me, other than I just love him. There's magic in spending holidays with your soul mate :) I'm one damn lucky person to say that he is my man. God. I just can't even think of words that mean enough to express how glad, blessed, thankful... (no words!!) to know that we are one, and I won't ever have to walk through this life alone. Because half the journey is in your companionship. And I got the best companion I could ever get.

Want to Be Close to You

Tropic Thunder. It definately isn't everyone's sense of humor. But I thought it was great. A little vulgar, but so funny!! I wish I owned it. Tom Cruise was just... mind blowingly different and funny, Ben Stiller was hilarious, Robert Downey Jr. was 'black', and Jack Black was beating a drug problem... hahaha oh my. It was just... great.

Mike is now officially a working man again. He got the job at Big 5, and starts next week. Meanwhile he is in Ely for the weekend to have an early Thanksgiving with his family. Yes, it's true, I'll be spending a Thanksgiving with my boyfriend for the first time ever. About damn time, too. After two and a half years!! I'm really excited. I really appreciate Thanksgiving. It's simple. No gifts, no money spending to say "I love you this many dollars...". Just family, friends, things that matter. Good food, good drink... it's pleasant. I love cooking, eating, then just cuddling up and watching seasonal movies and having the lights low with the fire keeping things cozy. I'm excited. It's going to be comfortable, yummy, and uncomplicated. And I have a five day weekend. It doesn't get much better than that!

Mike is gone. And I'm feeling lonely :( I hate this. I hate it when he's gone. At the same time it doesn't bother me though. Perhaps because I know he's coming back...or just because after all the shit we've been through I know we can make it through anything. I just want us to be together. Last night when we were laying in bed, after he'd fallen asleep, I just sidled up and rested my face on his masculine chest. I could hear his heart beating soft and steady and it really made me think. Day to day I forget. I forget all the crap he puts up with for me, all the sacrifices he's made in my behalf or for me, and I disregard his feelings and the fiery love that has been billowing underneath everything that makes me forget. The fiery love that keeps us going and brings me back down to remember why we're together when I seriously wonder why we are together sometimes. It's sad that I only realize things like that when he's about to be inaccessible for any length of time.

I just want to be close to him.

I love him.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Pre-Thanksgiving Thoughts

Monday. Yuck.

Over the weekend I went and saw the new James Bond 007 Quantum of Solace. It was pretty good. Most everyone who went with us though didn't like it. I like it because it's more believable. He isn't too slick or perfect just yet- but these newer Bond movies are about his early days before he became the all powerful 007 agent. All in all I thought it was good.

Mike has a job interview tomorrow. I really hope it works out. I am praying he gets it because it would not be very good if he didn't. Not feeling productive makes it easier for people to just give up. I've definately been there. The upside is infinitely great, but the down side is that he wouldn't get to go home for Thanksgiving this year :( I know how it is to miss holidays with your family. It's certainly not fun. Especially since they had planned to drive down to Las Vegas as a family for their Christmas shopping. Growing up is a total pain. Last year I missed Christmas in Spring Creek because I had to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas Day. He's down about it. If infact he doesn't get to go home. But on the other hand that's just part of growing up. He is almost 22 and if his career goals start picking up in the next year or two chances are he may not be able to be home then either. I just tried to reassure him that it'll be okay, and that yeah, it is disappointing, but on the positive side he can spend it with me! We've never spent a holiday together. Well, we had Christmas Day dinner together last year, but that was it. So I think either way he'll be fine :) I'll make sure his holiday is perfect and stress free if he can't be with his real family. I think I owe him that much. He is up here in Elko for/with me.

Mid-Week Gripes

Let's see... oh yes. Last night I went to the high school's production of Grease with my mom, brothers, and sisters. Before the play my mom had taken them to Wal*Mart to get some stuff and my brother literally smashed her in the trunk. He said he didn't see her, and when he went to slam down the trunk lid he crushed her acromium process. The process was bulging out a little bit and there was definite tissue damage; by the end of the play the blunt force trauma impression had faded and you could see the definite line of where it had hit. Hopefully she's okay. Her shoulder girdle is going to be freaking sore for a while. She might even want to see a doctor who can do some join therapy. She had limited abduction and it was extremely painful to light touch. And the play sucked. They cut out scenes and I, having never seen Grease before, had no idea what was happening.

I had my NREMT practicals last Saturday and I passed. In one try, no station re-dos or anything. YAY!

My Grandma Karen is coming to the Creek on Saturday for 5-7 days. She's going to be taking charge of the kids while my Dad is in Salt Lake getting his heart procedure done. I'm excited about her being here, but very nervous and anxious for my Dad. I just want it to be over, and for it work.

I've also been on the (2nd) job hunt. I need to be making about 300-400 dollars more a month. And then I'll be a-okay. It's just finding a job in this crap economy right now. No one is quitting or hiring anywhere I could work. But gas is down to about 2.35 average here in Elko now- wahoo! I hate to say it but money is stressing me out! It's messing up my zen hahaha! I just find it so sad that people say "Oh, money... it doesn't matter. It's not important." And yet what do we spend our time trying to gain, circumvent our lives around acquiring just to live? Money.

Mike might be getting a sweet job at Big 5. I think he'd do well there :)

Other than that, I have no more to grunt about. I need to get going and finish a paper I have do tomorrow. I'll be in touch.

In a Funk

Today is Friday and things are just okay. I went to work this morning and my boss was 36 minutes late. I'm not really sure what her deal is, but it's getting annoying. Tomorrow I am testing for my E.M.T.-I through the N.R.E.M.T. I feel pretty good about it right now, we'll see in the morning. I don't feel like I'm going to fail. So tonight I'm just planning on reviewing my skill sheets and looking up any last minute questions or details. I'll probably get out for a while tonight. Maybe make Mike go for a walk with me. That usually helps me maintain my head and keep me from obsessing over something I know will work out just fine.

On Sunday Nov. 16 my mom will be taking my dad to the V.A. in Salt Lake City. Hopefully everything will go well and after this visit he won't have heart problems anymore. He'll be going in Monday for an electrical activity mapping (SA/AV node tracking) to route where his deficiency in heart function is. Then he'll have a procedure (I'm not sure what kind, exactly). But in any case, the procedure he is having done is proven to cure 98% of all cases. After that he'll be monitored under close watch and care for a couple days, and if all goes well he should be back home on 19th or 20th. As far as I know my grandma Karen will be driving down to watch my brothers and sisters. Which is nice because then I can go hang out with them at my house! Instead of babysitting :) Although, don't get me wrong. Babysitting heathens is so, so wonderful!

Other than that no new updates. I'm not feeling particularly on top of my game; I'm getting this miserable cold, but it's coming on as slowly as possible.

Give the Newness A Chance

As I've been monitoring my facebook and myspace pages as the new president was elected last night, I have to say that I am frankly quite disappointed in a lot of the people I know.

Irregardless of who you voted for there was a reason for who got elected. There is a reason and a plan for everything that happens. We don't have to agree with all or even some of the same things. But has everyone forgotten good decency and respect? Especially for my friends who are religious, I have to say that you of all people should be leading with an attitude of security in the idea that God has a plan, and there is a reason Obama was elected- because there is some sort of change that must be brought about by him. Don't get so wrapped around the axel about what he does or doesn't support- people will still do what they want, regardless of laws and regulations. You must have faith that people will make the right decisions without laws that are made or vetoed by the President and Congress.

As Albert Einstein once said "You cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that caused them in the first place."

Barack Obama is the new President of the United States of America. What an incredible feat for the African-Americans. Considering where they were 300 years ago in our country, it's amazing that We, the People, have been able to accept the 44th president as a black man. America has been very harsh and unaccepting of the black people since we brought them here. And look- he sets a bar that black people can and should work for success and education. They don't have to live up to the idea and stereotype that they are supposed to be poor, ignorant, and low on the socioeconomic scale. They are human, and they are full of potential. They can overcome and serve, just as the new President has done.

I realize that there are alot of people who believe in McCain, and wanted him to be elected. However, I really think that the direction that needs to be taken is to focus here at home on the economy, jobs, working people, and fixing the wildness that has run rampant and run people like myself into the ground financially. That's my personal opinion.

What I am trying to say is that I have seen some beligerence and straight up disrespect towards the President-Elect. Why does this bother me? Because in this country we have to ability to change, we have the ability to elect, to vote, to think, to feel without much repercussion. In this country we have to privilege to support, the right to disagree. But do we ever have the right to disrespect and hate? Especially a leader who we haven't even seen in action yet? I think we must give this newness a chance, I believe that hate and disregard is what has caused the difficulty of the last 8 years with the last administration. I feel that we have to give it a try, with an open mind and not just be "blah" about it because our party affiliation didn't get elected. That's just ignorant. To assume without evidence and on minimal knowledge is ignorant.

Be a Democrat. Be a Republican. Be in Independent. Don't be an ass and be a hater..

Election Day '08

I've been constantly logging on and off the internet on my phone, jumping to Yahoo! News/Election '08, and CNN at every computer I see. I have no idea why I care so much, or am as involved and attached as I am, but this is definately the first time. Before now I've never been old enough to vote in an election, so I don't think I really cared all that much. Well- I cared, but since my vote wasn't on the line, I didn't feel like it matter hahahaha :) I just want it to be over all ready. Mike and I are avoiding classes tonight in favor of dinner parked infront of the television to monitor every second of what is happening- even though we're pretty sure of the outcome according to the political analysts and their projections. Whatever :). Anything beats going to Prof. Port's boring biology class.

Thankful

I had a very interesting weekend. My best friend Julia came to visit with her friend Ashley, and it was kind of miserable. Ashley is just finishing up with her divorce and consequently all that happened this weekend was to cater to her, keep her entertained, her her her! Julia and I didn't spend time together for more than maybe one hour, and that was last night. I understand that she's going through a hard time, but that never warants being straight up rude and self centered. All she kept saying was "waaa... I have cabin fever... I'm so bored. This sucks." and wanting to go spend money doing things that Julia and I don't have money to do right this second! I was not happy. I was very frustrated. All in all I just decided that this Ashely girl is 23, and she is plenty old enough to take care of her self and entertain herself, and is old enough to mind her manners and not put Julia in a compromising situation. I have my own personal ideas about why and how Ashley did what she did this weekend, but I'm not going into detail here. All I can say is that it really isn't our place to essentially stalk her ex-husband to find out what he's doing. And it isn't her place to tell me that I can't love on my man or be sweet to him when she's around because: "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, but... I want that and I can't have it, so please don't be affectionate in front of me." What I was thinking was:This is my house, I invited you here, don't you dare to try to tell me what I can and can't do. Get over it.

Mike had a similiar experience with his brother Matt, and our 'friend' Nick. So we made a deal that if we have company we won't let them bring any guests with them that we don't know or like. Which makes it easier for everyone involved.

I'm pretty much just glad the weekend is over and we are back to normal life. I'm happy to be alone with Mike again and not being busy playing mommy to a 23 year old whiner.

I miss Julia, and I wish we could have been able to hang out; but I'll probably go see her next month. I'll live. We've spent the majority of our long friendship apart, so I'm pretty sure we'll survive.

Mid Week Madness!!

Mike got home yesterday, and we just sort of palled around. I got my new driver's license- we waited about 2 hours!! Glad I don't live in Las Vegas or anything, cos that would have been trippled in waiting time.

Today we went gambling, and on the Megabucks machine I got ahead to 50 dollars, and then at the request, much to my behoovement, Mike insisted we gamble it further because we would surely get another spin chance to increase our- excuse me, MY- payout. But no. We lost it all. It's okay though, I only bet one dollar. Next time I'll know not to listen to my boyfriend. He's never really had good luck anyways. And he spoiled mine lol!! Oh well. I also won a free rib-eye steak dinner. He got that too.

Our guests are coming to visit this week. I'm really excited, I can't wait. I went and bought 150 sq. feet of aluminum foil so I can blot out the windows where our guests will be staying. Our little house absorbs an intense amount of heat and light. I would hate for our guests to be cooked like turkeys.

Well, two days after my birthday I'm still awaiting a card or small gift, or anything from Mike. I have yet to receive anything that says he's glad I have a birthday and that he was thinking of me, and he appreciates me. He wasn't here on my birthday as we all already know. Due to an illness. Which is fine. But now he's here and he isn't that sick... So anytime, I guess. I'd like to think I'm worth at least a nice letter in a card as a belated missed birthday gesture.

Other than that I'm feeling pretty good. So, I'm gonna get going now. Love to all!

The Birthday Incident

My birthday is about to be over, and it didn't turn out as miserable as I thought it would. I had a really good time with my family and my friend Peter. Peter shot scotch and puked all over my mom's sink! It was amazingly funny!! Anyways, it's pretty good. I had some good drinks, excellent food, and... yeah. I'm feeling pretty good.

Mike was missing from the scene. He went home to Ely and he got really sick Saturday night. Did it suck and hurt that he didn't show up for my birthday? Yes. I feel like a little more effort on his part and those feelings wouldn't have been felt. But he's coming back tomorrow, so... I'll see what happens then. Be forewarned, though. I have high expectations. I'm expecting some flowers, a smile on his face, and a nice, signed card when he steps through the door tomorrow. You know, that kind of thing (it wouldn't have to be exactly that, but...). That kind of "I'm your man. I missed you, I missed an important day, and let's make it happen again" kind of thing. As well as some love, and a good attitude for the next year. I want to see him show more "I'm in love with you!" fizzle, commitment, and care. No more complacent, apathetic attitude we've had. I need to see change, more effort, more... love in general.

And that's all I have to say that is constructive. I am going to go to bed.

Photos of New York

This is a wintry NYC

This is famed Times Square

This an FDNY truck. NYC is obviously famous for it's Fire Department.

Statue of Liberty

Autumn on West Point

Ground Zero, straight across the that beltway

Main Campus of USMA, where I lived. You can see the gorgeous Cadet Cathedral up behind it.

An Army vs. Airforce football game at the USMA stadium.

The "Million Dollar View", on a monumental walkway. You are looking out over the Hudson.

Taking A Trip

So, as I've been thinking about myself lately, I have decided that I should take a trip. I used to travel all the time. I've been East, West, and alot of placed in between. I think I'd like to go back to New York City first. I was thinking in the fall/winter of 2009-2010 (over New Years??!) I'd like to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the big department stores, the FDNY, may go to Ground Zero. When I was last there in 2003 they weren't allowing much of anyone all that close. I don't know if it's changed, but I'd like to go again. See the Empire State building, go ice skating, maybe hit Serendipity's, Times Square, Carmines... and drive through the upstate country side. Maybe see USMA again, visit my old house. I'm not sure, but I think that sounds really neat right now! It'd definately give me a long term reward to work for and look towards. I have time to think about it, but I don't. I should make a decision.

Today

I really could not sleep last night. I kept having nightmare after nightmare... it was weird. I haven't really had nightmares like that in a couple years. I don't really want to talk about it. They were pretty scary and... depressing.

Well. Saturday night/ Sunday morning come 12:00 a.m. I'll be officially 21. A couple of my friends want to get dolled up and take me out to a few bars, then... who knows. I don't think I'd mind that... but no skanky places where I might get shanked lol!! I'd be all for going and getting a bottle of champagne and toasting at home too, and watching something out of the ordinary.

I just don't want to go out late at night without my strong man to protect me.

But I haven't made up my mind yet.

This weekend has gotten off to an interesting start.
I went to lunch by myself at this sushi place; and an ex-"lover" of mine was seated just slightly behind and adjacent to me. He came and sat with me when he was on his way out. We talked for a while. It's interesting to see how our lives have really evolved; we keep bumping into each other. Even though it wasn't all that serious it's still nice to know he's doing alright. He's definately grown up since we were together. I don't love-care for him, but as a human, as an adult, I guess I do care that people aren't miserable. My friend, who works there, came and talked to me, too. We were laughing pretty hard about the class we have together and our instructor who is OBSESSED with Bassett Hounds. So it wasn't too bad.

I'm looking forward to the homemade beer Ben makes- he promised he'd bring me a bottle today before our biology lab. Otherwise that's really all I have to look forward to today. Tomorrow I'm working, and then free as a bird; I might catch a movie. Or a nap. Or up on housework and laundry. Well... I best be going. I'm going to go home, grab a hot meal, then go to class til all hours of the night. YA!

Birthday Season

As October is slowly drawing to a close things have leveled out. It's been sweet to have a slow paced, nostalgic feeling hanging around my life. Home life has been nice; Mike & I have just been palling around, working on school.

My Birthday is this weekend. The big 21. I can't believe how old I'm getting hahahaha! Oh well. Who knows when I'll die, so who's to say what age is old? Mike will be out of town in Ely visiting family. So I'll mostly be by myself. He says he'll back in the evening on my birthday. I'm not 3, but it's still disappointing that he won't be there. I haven't made any plans yet. I think at midnight on saturday/sunday I'll go buy myself some champagne and toast to myself! Definately going to watch The Office this weekend, and do laundry. I'm sure my family will want to have me out for a birthday dinner, and drinks- my Dad has been banging on about all these amazing drinks he makes, so I'm looking forward to trying them. Although I'm not much into drinking. I actually think I'm most excited about getting a new driver's license hahahaha! I guess I just don't look forward to my birthday. At least I haven't in the last 3 or 4 years. I don't know if that's sad, but... I guess it's just that everyone always has other plans or limited time to spend with me- and it never turns out like I'd like to. I suppose that's part of being an adult; exciting? Not so much.

School is okay- busy busy boring. My EMS class is getting tough just because it's crunching down to testing time, and we haven't practice IV's or Endotracheal Intubation but once. Bio I need to study about two hours more a week so I can get A's, and History is great.

We are having a Halloween Party on the 31st, Mike's brother, Matt, is coming up, and my friend Julia is coming, and bringing Ashley with her. So it will be a cozy cottage, but definately fun! And relaxing.

I went and voted yesterday. My first election/voting experience ever! It was exciting; This election is extremely historic, and holds an incredible resemblance to the FDR election in 1932. Who ever is elected will have the same challenges of dealing with/fixing the U.S. economy, and creating jobs and energy for the middle class, the driving, working force in America. I don't think there's ever been an African American who has run so successfully for President, and I certainly haven't ever gotten this involved in election season. I've seen Barack Obama live here in Elko, on his 3rd visit here, I heard Bill Clinton speak here at Great Basin College yesterday, I watched all the presidential debates, everything. It's been pretty exhilirating. About 2 weeks and the fate of America will be changed for 4 more years. Thank God for that; We certainly need a change.

A Good Day!

Work was easy today, and Mike had a very successful job interview. I'm just feeling really great and excited today. Got family coming into town to visit. And one of my best, and most cherished childhood friends and I finally connected after his 2 year LDS mission. John Britton :)

I just wanted to write a little blurb about how things are going today. I'm just feeling pretty on top of things right now, and I want to remember this feeling when I'm next stressed out hahaha!

What Am I Saaaaying?!

Well after being up in the air the last week, things are finally taming down, and I think I'm getting back on my feet. Mike and I are slowly recovering being knocked over by someone who I'm still too angry to say their name. I guess the things she stole compared with all the other predicaments she left us in, are small. But they were rightfully ours, and now we have to go out buy them again. She's just so unbelievably immature and stupid. I feel really disappointed in myself for being so quick to trust, to be so generous and helpful. People like her, users, abusers, liars, thieves, really are making it difficult for me to trust anybody, get any sleep, focus on my own life, and just be happy in general. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just let it go. Things happen as they will, and everything will work out okay. So why all this angst? I'm sure one day karma will return itself 10x strong, as it always does. Our new home, by comparison to where we were, is even better! We have a full bathroom, new washer/dryer, dishwasher, and it's quite a bit bigger. And half the price!! Thank God that worked out when it did. Otherwise we'd be royally F***ed. It's not just the niceties of this place that make a difference, or the lesser cost. But we noticed that living with who we were living with always had this heaviness to it. Like... bad juju. The ambiance of our old home vs. our new home is so... strangely different! Going back and forth between the two to get our things packed and moved it was apparent that we were shedding a heavy burden and bad start to the beginning of our life together. One thing is for sure- our new house will always be clean and tidy. Our other roommate was impossible to keep up with. She just used and dumped, never washed dishes or really cleaned up after herself, and used all my bathroom stuff and left it out. Eventually I got so behind and other things became more important like making it to work, class and studying that I just gave up. I never wanted to be home because she's such a pig. Matt you were right from day one. We made a bad decision to try and room with her. Mike cracks me up; he said he doesn't want Kim to visit, or even know where we live, because she'll destroy our Zen. LOL I have to agree.

GRRR! I'm getting mad again. Gotta stop hate blogging now.

On a lighter note Mike and I have been having a ball just the two of us. I've been getting back in everyday touch with a couple great friends. We spent a fun day on Sunday with my family, and my grandparents are coming to visit. They'll be here tomorrow until Saturday. I'm excited to see them, it's been about 5 years...? Maybe longer.

And. Tomorrow is October! Yay!! My favorite month. I'm going to make an honest effort to get over everything that's happened, work hard, play hard, and slow down to enjoy the simplicities that have brought me so much pleasure and joy in the past.

Misery

I feel like I am at about my wits ends right now. On top of being sick with a premature cold (I wasn't expecting one for at least another month), and having no decent sleep in 3 nights, I must have "SCREW ME OVER" stamped on my face. To put it lightly and to the point one too many people think responsibility and honesty aren't important. I'm really growing to hate people who think they can just walk free of an obligation and the associated costs without any consequences.

At any rate things can't get anything but better. After a long time Mike and I are done trying to make concessions and sacrifices to "help" people. We are getting our own place and saying no to immature roommates. We move in Monday. It's nice, pretty roomy for us. With new stackable washer/dryer, full kitchen, bathroom... new carpet and furniture... everything. We're pretty excited. Hopefully we can just repair the shambles our life has seemed to become this last month. I won't have to play mommy to a freshman in college who has Peter Pan Syndrome, acts like she's the only one who has problems, and doesn't have to contribute. My home won't be a filthy pig stye anymore, my personal things (clothes, beauty products, blankets etc...) won't be stolen and/or used up or ruined. We'll have some privacy and proximity. And you know, the thing that just gets my goat is that I'm a pretty generous person. To a fault, infact, and all I ask is that people ask me first! I say yes about 99% of the time either because I'm too nice to say no, or because I truly don't mind. But no more. I won't allow people to take advantage of my kindess any longer. Long gone are the days that I will have to listen to things I really don't care about, especially since all this person is with is getting a boyfriend and getting married. Then when ( imagine this) the guy goes running (not walking!) running the other direction when they catch a whiff of how unstable and crazy she is, she tells me I should be the one to talk to him on her behalf.

She's out of her ever loving mind.

Plus she is always banging on about how Mike is not right for me and he's a dirt bag and how I could do much better. All because she is unhappy and envious. I feel as though she's constantly trying to come between us and... oh my god I don't care! I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I just hope her fat monkey heart gets what it deserves.

The weather has been beautiful. It's getting chillier every day. School is going well. I didn't do too bad on my tests. My EMT testing showed a 95 and a 98%, my History hasn't come in yet, and my Anat & Phys was in the low 90's.

I'm so grateful that I have Mike. These days have been so trying and nothing seems to keep me together in the middle of the night when I am miserable and sniffling and stressed and dreading morning light. When feel his arms around me it brings so much comfort and consolation. He doesn't even have to speak. Just that energy and emotion helps me realize that it's all going to be okay. To all my friends out there who listen to me complain and give me their loving support and advice, few though you may be, I love you all very much. I'm debating going to class tonight. I just don't know that I have to patience and physical strength to do endotracheal intubations tonight. BLAH. I just feel so dead and tired that I'm unbelievably, deliriously goofy and silly. I'll flip a coin. Heads I go learn, tails I sit on mine and catch up on other school work. I must bid you farewell. So until the next blog... :*

Today

Today is Friday, and it has been a really good, interesting day.

Mike is in Salt Lake with his dad and brother for a boy's weekend. George is picking out a well earned, high tech TV/Entertainment set. It's a self-gift for his retirement :) Sounds like he has settle on Blu-ray. Nice choice.

Today was my last day of work before the weekend (thank ya jesus!) and an old friend came in to drop off a larger tank for some turtles in the zoo area. We had a pretty bad fall out a little over a year ago. Today we made a long over due reconciliation and picked up right where we left off. It was as though we haven't skipped a beat. Even though this last year has made us much more mature and different adults, we retained that same old friendship. It is nice to have him back in my life. We were great friends through high school and in college, and I have missed having him around.

I finished (most of) my first bout of exams this semester. I stressed and stressed over my Anat & Phys exam and then when I went in to take the test it was incredibly easier than I thought. But I froze up on a question about the difference between two different types of functioning glands. The lab exam for that class turned out not too bad. On Tuesday we will find out the results. Ugh. And then my EMT-I exam yeilded very fruitful results- a 95%. I have nothing more to say about this. My history class has yet to administer it's exam. That will be opening up tomorrow and closing Tuesday night. I'm not super worried about it. Prof. Wallace gave us the 4 essay questions we could get one of. Even though we will only receive a single random pick of these 4 we are still supposed to write an essay for each one. That way we are ready when we get any of them. Good idea. Alot of work. These questions aren't easy breezy. They are complex, multi-compartmented, and you can tell they are coming from a PhD. That's what I am working on now. I got the first part of the first question done... and I needed a break! That ate up about 1.5 hours.

The weather today is getting rainy and dark. I love it. I can't help but want it to just rain already!! I'm so SICK of this putrid Nevada heat. I spent my entire summer everyday outside in the heat. Even in my off time and weekends I found myself always outside. I want the fall to be here. I get all excited and thrilled when there is a promise or even hint of rainy, grey weather. If my risidual tail was longer, it'd be wagging.

The picture up there is the kind of fall I am craving; that's in Lamoille, about 10 minutes from here. Beautiful, isn't it?

Letting Love In

Last night Mike and I spent our time talking very candidly and freely- it was interesting. We haven't talked like that in a long time. We met up for dinner after one of my classes, and spent a good two hours sitting there talking and laughing. After that we decided to go swimming, and while we were sitting in the hot tub we started this little game of quiz questions about ourselves. We asked each other stuff about each other- just to see how much we knew about the other. It was insane- I didn't know someone knew me that well!! It carried on for some time.

I feel badly sometimes... I feel that I don't always trust and often doubt his ability to love me the way I am. I wonder how he can not want me to change this or that. If I were him I'd probably hate me.

At any rate I guess it just amazes me that someone can love me that much and not try to manipilate my feelings or how I am for his benefit. It's refreshing to share that little moment of romance because as time goes on all that sort of fades for comfort, peace, trust, and life. I am just so grateful that I can share my self with such an amazing man.

Functioning

I just took the first of several exams in my EMT-I class, and it said I got a 77% for the first of three attempts. But when I looked at the test review for the answers I missed, all of them were correct. And to boot about 7 of the 39 questions were cut off and I couldn't see them. So if I did get them all right, I'm not going to be very happy if I have to settle with low grades just because the internet based testing is screwed up.

I also have two Bio 223 exams this week- a lab practical and a lecture quiz. Shouldn't be too bad since for Professor Ports all I have to do is memorize the answers to the questions, because he's not very inventive and just uses two or three review questions from each end of chapter quiz.

Obama is speaking in Elko tomorrow. I think I'm going to go. I definately cannot justify voting for McCain- no way no how. So I want to see what the other side has to say. It should be interesting; the 'Republican Party' of Elko is planning to protest and rally in the same vacinity while he is speaking. I don't find this very fair since we have the right to listen to any person we want as long as it is a peaceable assembly. And they would likewise be irritated if we showed up to their precious candidate's speech waving boards and being obnoxious. No respect. I guess I just never understood it- live and let live.

This past weekend was reviving. Some of the Ely EMS crew was up here for the Nevada State Rural EMS conference. Mike and I went and ate and hung out with them. They had a bowling tournament we got to go watch, it was very fun. I definately miss those people :)

Last night in class we had a practical lab for intravenous canuulation (IV's). My partner stuck my hand, missed the vein, got no flashback and continued to hook me up to the Saline. It went all into the surrounding tissues and my hand is on its way to being very bruised. It has gotten much more swollen and tender. LOL and then Mike's lab partener/pt passed out as he was practicing his IV skills. Hahahaha- men are such babies!

I am out of things to say, except that Season 3 of Sunny in Philadelphia is out on DVD.
I love you all, goodnight.

Beginning Again

I finally made it back to my hometown, and I must say it's pretty refreshing. I'm finally making some headway in my career/longterm goals. It's a lot of work, and I can't help be a little tired of the work that is ahead of me yet. I think I finally have locked into something I know I can, and want to do but will still leave my options open to do all of the things I want. I consistently go back and forth between EMS/Flight RN and elementary school teaching- most likely special education. I cannot make up my mind. I'm on the path for one, and am closerthanthis to getting into the program, so I have to make a decision before March 2009.

So otherwise things are going really well. I'm obsequiously happy for the return of fall. I hate summer. Well, I hate summer heat. I spent my entire summer working outside in the heat with kids- it was exhausting, but by far probably the best paid job I've ever had. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the pay, and I enjoyed getting to be a boss. And, it helped me decide that as much as I love kids, I don't want to run a child care program. I'm thrilled for the onset of the holiday season. Despite frigid Nevada temperatures the emotional and spiritual warmth really gets me. I plan on having one heck of a holiday season this year. The last two or three years haven't been very great. I think I might try getting involved in some holiday charities and volunterism this time around. Maybe they have sucked so bad because I've been kind of self centered and "too busy". I'm trying to be more compassionately humanist. Go me!

As many of you may know I had been dating a man for the last two years or so; and.... we are still together lol- not a big deal. We did just celebrate our two year anniversary, and I see many more on the horizon. Mike is doing pretty well, working for Elko County Ambulance, and Fire Department. He is currently exploring his options in higher levels of the EMS/Fire/ Law Enforcement careers. I'm pretty sure he'd be amazing at whatever he chooses, so- I'm not too worried.

My family has been doing well- besides some recurring heart problems and a recent invenomation, every body is alive and well. My mom finally got her bulldog, Molly. She hails from a (apparently) famous breeder in Las Vegas. She is flippin' adorable.

Until next time... :)