What Am I Saaaaying?!

Well after being up in the air the last week, things are finally taming down, and I think I'm getting back on my feet. Mike and I are slowly recovering being knocked over by someone who I'm still too angry to say their name. I guess the things she stole compared with all the other predicaments she left us in, are small. But they were rightfully ours, and now we have to go out buy them again. She's just so unbelievably immature and stupid. I feel really disappointed in myself for being so quick to trust, to be so generous and helpful. People like her, users, abusers, liars, thieves, really are making it difficult for me to trust anybody, get any sleep, focus on my own life, and just be happy in general. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just let it go. Things happen as they will, and everything will work out okay. So why all this angst? I'm sure one day karma will return itself 10x strong, as it always does. Our new home, by comparison to where we were, is even better! We have a full bathroom, new washer/dryer, dishwasher, and it's quite a bit bigger. And half the price!! Thank God that worked out when it did. Otherwise we'd be royally F***ed. It's not just the niceties of this place that make a difference, or the lesser cost. But we noticed that living with who we were living with always had this heaviness to it. Like... bad juju. The ambiance of our old home vs. our new home is so... strangely different! Going back and forth between the two to get our things packed and moved it was apparent that we were shedding a heavy burden and bad start to the beginning of our life together. One thing is for sure- our new house will always be clean and tidy. Our other roommate was impossible to keep up with. She just used and dumped, never washed dishes or really cleaned up after herself, and used all my bathroom stuff and left it out. Eventually I got so behind and other things became more important like making it to work, class and studying that I just gave up. I never wanted to be home because she's such a pig. Matt you were right from day one. We made a bad decision to try and room with her. Mike cracks me up; he said he doesn't want Kim to visit, or even know where we live, because she'll destroy our Zen. LOL I have to agree.

GRRR! I'm getting mad again. Gotta stop hate blogging now.

On a lighter note Mike and I have been having a ball just the two of us. I've been getting back in everyday touch with a couple great friends. We spent a fun day on Sunday with my family, and my grandparents are coming to visit. They'll be here tomorrow until Saturday. I'm excited to see them, it's been about 5 years...? Maybe longer.

And. Tomorrow is October! Yay!! My favorite month. I'm going to make an honest effort to get over everything that's happened, work hard, play hard, and slow down to enjoy the simplicities that have brought me so much pleasure and joy in the past.

Misery

I feel like I am at about my wits ends right now. On top of being sick with a premature cold (I wasn't expecting one for at least another month), and having no decent sleep in 3 nights, I must have "SCREW ME OVER" stamped on my face. To put it lightly and to the point one too many people think responsibility and honesty aren't important. I'm really growing to hate people who think they can just walk free of an obligation and the associated costs without any consequences.

At any rate things can't get anything but better. After a long time Mike and I are done trying to make concessions and sacrifices to "help" people. We are getting our own place and saying no to immature roommates. We move in Monday. It's nice, pretty roomy for us. With new stackable washer/dryer, full kitchen, bathroom... new carpet and furniture... everything. We're pretty excited. Hopefully we can just repair the shambles our life has seemed to become this last month. I won't have to play mommy to a freshman in college who has Peter Pan Syndrome, acts like she's the only one who has problems, and doesn't have to contribute. My home won't be a filthy pig stye anymore, my personal things (clothes, beauty products, blankets etc...) won't be stolen and/or used up or ruined. We'll have some privacy and proximity. And you know, the thing that just gets my goat is that I'm a pretty generous person. To a fault, infact, and all I ask is that people ask me first! I say yes about 99% of the time either because I'm too nice to say no, or because I truly don't mind. But no more. I won't allow people to take advantage of my kindess any longer. Long gone are the days that I will have to listen to things I really don't care about, especially since all this person is with is getting a boyfriend and getting married. Then when ( imagine this) the guy goes running (not walking!) running the other direction when they catch a whiff of how unstable and crazy she is, she tells me I should be the one to talk to him on her behalf.

She's out of her ever loving mind.

Plus she is always banging on about how Mike is not right for me and he's a dirt bag and how I could do much better. All because she is unhappy and envious. I feel as though she's constantly trying to come between us and... oh my god I don't care! I don't even want to talk about this anymore. I just hope her fat monkey heart gets what it deserves.

The weather has been beautiful. It's getting chillier every day. School is going well. I didn't do too bad on my tests. My EMT testing showed a 95 and a 98%, my History hasn't come in yet, and my Anat & Phys was in the low 90's.

I'm so grateful that I have Mike. These days have been so trying and nothing seems to keep me together in the middle of the night when I am miserable and sniffling and stressed and dreading morning light. When feel his arms around me it brings so much comfort and consolation. He doesn't even have to speak. Just that energy and emotion helps me realize that it's all going to be okay. To all my friends out there who listen to me complain and give me their loving support and advice, few though you may be, I love you all very much. I'm debating going to class tonight. I just don't know that I have to patience and physical strength to do endotracheal intubations tonight. BLAH. I just feel so dead and tired that I'm unbelievably, deliriously goofy and silly. I'll flip a coin. Heads I go learn, tails I sit on mine and catch up on other school work. I must bid you farewell. So until the next blog... :*

Today

Today is Friday, and it has been a really good, interesting day.

Mike is in Salt Lake with his dad and brother for a boy's weekend. George is picking out a well earned, high tech TV/Entertainment set. It's a self-gift for his retirement :) Sounds like he has settle on Blu-ray. Nice choice.

Today was my last day of work before the weekend (thank ya jesus!) and an old friend came in to drop off a larger tank for some turtles in the zoo area. We had a pretty bad fall out a little over a year ago. Today we made a long over due reconciliation and picked up right where we left off. It was as though we haven't skipped a beat. Even though this last year has made us much more mature and different adults, we retained that same old friendship. It is nice to have him back in my life. We were great friends through high school and in college, and I have missed having him around.

I finished (most of) my first bout of exams this semester. I stressed and stressed over my Anat & Phys exam and then when I went in to take the test it was incredibly easier than I thought. But I froze up on a question about the difference between two different types of functioning glands. The lab exam for that class turned out not too bad. On Tuesday we will find out the results. Ugh. And then my EMT-I exam yeilded very fruitful results- a 95%. I have nothing more to say about this. My history class has yet to administer it's exam. That will be opening up tomorrow and closing Tuesday night. I'm not super worried about it. Prof. Wallace gave us the 4 essay questions we could get one of. Even though we will only receive a single random pick of these 4 we are still supposed to write an essay for each one. That way we are ready when we get any of them. Good idea. Alot of work. These questions aren't easy breezy. They are complex, multi-compartmented, and you can tell they are coming from a PhD. That's what I am working on now. I got the first part of the first question done... and I needed a break! That ate up about 1.5 hours.

The weather today is getting rainy and dark. I love it. I can't help but want it to just rain already!! I'm so SICK of this putrid Nevada heat. I spent my entire summer everyday outside in the heat. Even in my off time and weekends I found myself always outside. I want the fall to be here. I get all excited and thrilled when there is a promise or even hint of rainy, grey weather. If my risidual tail was longer, it'd be wagging.

The picture up there is the kind of fall I am craving; that's in Lamoille, about 10 minutes from here. Beautiful, isn't it?

Letting Love In

Last night Mike and I spent our time talking very candidly and freely- it was interesting. We haven't talked like that in a long time. We met up for dinner after one of my classes, and spent a good two hours sitting there talking and laughing. After that we decided to go swimming, and while we were sitting in the hot tub we started this little game of quiz questions about ourselves. We asked each other stuff about each other- just to see how much we knew about the other. It was insane- I didn't know someone knew me that well!! It carried on for some time.

I feel badly sometimes... I feel that I don't always trust and often doubt his ability to love me the way I am. I wonder how he can not want me to change this or that. If I were him I'd probably hate me.

At any rate I guess it just amazes me that someone can love me that much and not try to manipilate my feelings or how I am for his benefit. It's refreshing to share that little moment of romance because as time goes on all that sort of fades for comfort, peace, trust, and life. I am just so grateful that I can share my self with such an amazing man.

Functioning

I just took the first of several exams in my EMT-I class, and it said I got a 77% for the first of three attempts. But when I looked at the test review for the answers I missed, all of them were correct. And to boot about 7 of the 39 questions were cut off and I couldn't see them. So if I did get them all right, I'm not going to be very happy if I have to settle with low grades just because the internet based testing is screwed up.

I also have two Bio 223 exams this week- a lab practical and a lecture quiz. Shouldn't be too bad since for Professor Ports all I have to do is memorize the answers to the questions, because he's not very inventive and just uses two or three review questions from each end of chapter quiz.

Obama is speaking in Elko tomorrow. I think I'm going to go. I definately cannot justify voting for McCain- no way no how. So I want to see what the other side has to say. It should be interesting; the 'Republican Party' of Elko is planning to protest and rally in the same vacinity while he is speaking. I don't find this very fair since we have the right to listen to any person we want as long as it is a peaceable assembly. And they would likewise be irritated if we showed up to their precious candidate's speech waving boards and being obnoxious. No respect. I guess I just never understood it- live and let live.

This past weekend was reviving. Some of the Ely EMS crew was up here for the Nevada State Rural EMS conference. Mike and I went and ate and hung out with them. They had a bowling tournament we got to go watch, it was very fun. I definately miss those people :)

Last night in class we had a practical lab for intravenous canuulation (IV's). My partner stuck my hand, missed the vein, got no flashback and continued to hook me up to the Saline. It went all into the surrounding tissues and my hand is on its way to being very bruised. It has gotten much more swollen and tender. LOL and then Mike's lab partener/pt passed out as he was practicing his IV skills. Hahahaha- men are such babies!

I am out of things to say, except that Season 3 of Sunny in Philadelphia is out on DVD.
I love you all, goodnight.

Beginning Again

I finally made it back to my hometown, and I must say it's pretty refreshing. I'm finally making some headway in my career/longterm goals. It's a lot of work, and I can't help be a little tired of the work that is ahead of me yet. I think I finally have locked into something I know I can, and want to do but will still leave my options open to do all of the things I want. I consistently go back and forth between EMS/Flight RN and elementary school teaching- most likely special education. I cannot make up my mind. I'm on the path for one, and am closerthanthis to getting into the program, so I have to make a decision before March 2009.

So otherwise things are going really well. I'm obsequiously happy for the return of fall. I hate summer. Well, I hate summer heat. I spent my entire summer working outside in the heat with kids- it was exhausting, but by far probably the best paid job I've ever had. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the pay, and I enjoyed getting to be a boss. And, it helped me decide that as much as I love kids, I don't want to run a child care program. I'm thrilled for the onset of the holiday season. Despite frigid Nevada temperatures the emotional and spiritual warmth really gets me. I plan on having one heck of a holiday season this year. The last two or three years haven't been very great. I think I might try getting involved in some holiday charities and volunterism this time around. Maybe they have sucked so bad because I've been kind of self centered and "too busy". I'm trying to be more compassionately humanist. Go me!

As many of you may know I had been dating a man for the last two years or so; and.... we are still together lol- not a big deal. We did just celebrate our two year anniversary, and I see many more on the horizon. Mike is doing pretty well, working for Elko County Ambulance, and Fire Department. He is currently exploring his options in higher levels of the EMS/Fire/ Law Enforcement careers. I'm pretty sure he'd be amazing at whatever he chooses, so- I'm not too worried.

My family has been doing well- besides some recurring heart problems and a recent invenomation, every body is alive and well. My mom finally got her bulldog, Molly. She hails from a (apparently) famous breeder in Las Vegas. She is flippin' adorable.

Until next time... :)